Question: What Does It Mean to Be Human, Really?
“What does it mean to Be Human, really?”
Since 11 years of age, I have been on a journey to discover and refine the answers for myself— it has has been the organizing driver behind my life’s choices for over 27 years…
First, through the martial arts. I wanted to feel more confident and in control of my life. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a timid, fearful little boy— I felt shame. To counter that, I sought strength and courage through discipline and competing in the ring. I projected my insecurities on my opponent and did my best to defeat them by force. Instead, I won through Love and compassion.
Second, through personal development in all its forms. I wanted to understand how I could reconcile the delta between how life was, and how I wanted my life to be— career, relationships, purpose, family, health and wealth. At first, I thought it was to dissolve old, irrational fears and assumptions that held me back from totally going for it. Instead, I learned the biggest barrier was misplaced Love.
Third, through metaphysical explorations. I wanted to peek beyond the veil of the senses to satisfy a gnawing intuition… that there is much more to life than I perceive. I thought that if I popped my head out of the reality matrix I would be able to gain some new ‘superpower’ to make being human a much more enjoyable experience. Instead, I discovered the power was in me all along. And regardless how I felt, I am never truly ‘alone.’ We are held and supported by an incomprehensible array of dimensions.
Today, I’ve organized and synthesized my practical learnings into a body of work that I want to share with you. If you are still reading this— chances are, you are also on a journey of mastering your art-form called Life. Through my work, I’d like to offer unique frames for Being Human. Take them as a pair of glasses (not truths) — you can choose to put it on and take it off at will. Here we go…
Being Human means:
Whatever You Want it To Mean: Ask anyone “What does it mean to be Human?” You are likely to get varied responses— all valid but not always useful. There will be some overlap amongst answers. But you will find the answers to be colored by the sum total of their conditioning, experiences, and choices to date. Human beings are meaning-making association machines. We ingest sensory information (visual, audio, kinesthetic, olfactory, gustatory) and draw relationships between them. Sometimes, those relationships are functional in one context, but incredibly disabling in another. Taking your heart-break as a 2 year old and importing it into your romantic relationship at 30 (28 years later, for the record) isn’t the best idea — it happens, though.
Having Eternal Hopes and Dreams: Everyone has hopes and dreams. Hopes and dreams never die— you can’t kill ideas (and their ideals). It is pointless to suppress them— they’ll come back with a vengeance. Knowing that it is human to hope and dream— What are yours? What would you like? What would be a good future outcome for you now? These questions are often the toughest questions to answer with clarity and authenticity— they can be masked and distorted by assumed limitations, obligations, and societal views.
Expressing What Is: Whether it is through some art-form— it is human to want to channel our emotions to be expressed, seen, and heard. It also means that human expression is inevitable— you can try to keep a lid on it but it will find a path of movement. Rap culture gives us an insight to the voice and sentiment of the streets— it is a necessary discourse of the human spirit. Stressed professionals might find therapy and expression in baking, for example. Let’s assume it is safe for you to share what life is for you right now— what might you want another to properly hear, see, understand, and appreciate?
Generalizing, Deleting, and Distorting Information: Human Beings generalize, delete, and distort information to automate day-to-day decision-making. For example, a flat surface can generally serve as a seat for your b*tt. It would be too much effort to consciously compute this every time you want to take a seat. We also delete information to avoid being overwhelmed by sensory stimulus—it is safe to assume there are many things that pass by your attention right now— try to notice all the things you don’t notice. Lastly, we also distort information— this is part of creativity— look at what Jimi Hendrix did to Bob Dylan’s song, All Along the Watchtower.
Manipulating Reality Through Language: Language is a tool that helps us represent our experience. The process we use to describe our experience is the same process that we use to create our experience. We can’t command what we can’t articulate. Therefore, changing your experience can be a series of conversations— written and spoken, verbal and non-verbal, real-time and asynchronous. Assuming we work together, this is what most our time will be like, a transformative conversation.
Learning & Exchanging Through Our Differences: Our differences are a good thing and they are to be celebrated not suppressed. No one has a 360-degree vision of life and reality (the territory). Instead, we all build unique maps (automated operating systems) for functioning within reality— they are enabling in certain contexts, and disabling in others. Using language, we can share, learn, and grow from our differences so we can have better results in more contexts of our lives.
Engaging in a Market of Values Exchange: Nobody has the exact same hierarchy of values. These differences means that what one finds to be valuable in their life will differ from another’s. However, since everyone has different talents and skillsets— we naturally have opportunity for healthy trade and exchange. It is human to want to share what we have with others— as it is to receive and take what others have to offer. Today, capitalism is the primary vehicle for this exchange.
Respecting Fear: Overcoming your fears and limitations is like trying to win an arm-wrestle with yourself. But if one part manages to truly crush the other— who wins, really? Best that our fears and limitations be respectfully revisited and revised, not resisted and crushed. Fear is a convenient legacy feature of ensuring we don’t perish— it served our ancestors and what has brought us to today. However, most fears outlive their use quickly. At an early age, what we learned to survive becomes conditions which continued survival depends. That means, if you grew up and survived great poverty (emotional, material, and financial)— you will continue to recreate (not willingly but unconsciously) those poverty conditions growing up because it has proven to be survivable. Not so helpful if you want to build intergenerational wealth, for example. Needless to say, our fears serve their purpose and must often be repurposed so we can move toward our higher human aspirations.
Our Pain Is a Proxy For Our Incredible Love: Only someone who loves deeply can hurt deeply. All of us learn a language of Love from our parents and family (or from their absence). For some, that means hard work, obedience, and duty to your elders. For others, that means emotional torture, physical abuse, and neglect, for example. We do this to belong with the people whom we Love— if it was for them the way it was, then we are compelled to have it be that way for ourselves. In a family of thieves, the one who does not steal has a Guilty conscience. If you want to understand someone’s capacity for Love, look where they hurt the most. Whenever someone wants to go beyond their limiting loyalties of the heart, they are also confronted with breaking their hearts. Reaching for a change in life is an incredibly courageous act.
Chronic Moral Confrontations of Guilt: The child of a hardworking, labor-intensive family, will not be able to sit down and ‘chill’ long before the feeling of Guilt compels them to ‘do something’ with their time— if that child works hard too then they feel innocent (good). If an individual in your life is very giving to you, you will feel guilty— this guilt will compel you to return the favor. The corollary of this is— if you keep giving to someone without taking what they want to offer — the relationship will break down because they will feel too indebted to even look you in the eye. Therefore, a healthy relationship requires we often take what others want to give us— which is to choose guilt. Which can feel terrible. But it is a good, necessary, acquired taste for healthy connection.
Aligning With Your Way Towards Well-Being: Are you compelled to achieve your outcomes by absorbing the goodness and wellbeing of others? Or, are you compelled to achieve your outcome by augmenting the goodness and wellbeing of others? If you are reading this you are likely to be in the latter camp. That means, you are more likely to believe that your success is like a riding tide that raises all ships at once. But sometimes, we can feel envy and injustice about successes others’ have that we don’t— that is natural especially since so much of human conditioning is based on zero-sum games. However, that is not you. Those experiences are feedback mechanisms to revisit your feelings and beliefs about worth and deserving.
Exercising Your Creational Authority: If you don’t like your status quo, you have the power to change it. Though, the operating manual may be a bit obscure. Needless to say, if you want to change something, you can. Figuring out the “how” is the mysterious adventure you are tasked with. But you are not alone. We are all figuring this out together. Personal fulfillment is truly an ‘open source’ journey :)